


Making Out

by Interrobanng



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Crack, Drooling, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 19:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3781993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Interrobanng/pseuds/Interrobanng
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock tries to keep Jim distracted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Making Out

**_Disclaimer_ **

_The author is laughing so hard she can no longer stand and is literally rolling around on the floor._

**_Mr. X_ ** _: This is gross. You are gross._

_The author just keeps laughing._

**_Spock_ ** _: This individual does not own us in any way, shape or form._

 **_Kirk_ ** _: Please send help._

****

****

****

**_Making Out_ **

 

A woman screamed in the distance.

CRASH

BANG

SQUEAK…

Jim and Spock huddled together in the darkness. Spock had pulled a grate off the wall and they were hiding in the unlit enclave in the ventilation system. The Enterprise was unusually quiet, only the distant screams of terrorized crewmembers and the occasional sound of destruction could be heard. Jim and Spock were squished together, holding their breath and praying that no one would find them.

But Jim couldn’t keep his mouth shut for long.

“All I’m saying, right, all I’m saying is…” He hissed between clenched teeth. “Why would anyone even build a robotic sinister clown in the first place? I mean, once you’ve gone that far it’s pretty obvious the thing is gonna come to life and start trying to kill people, right?”

“I admit to being somewhat surprised when that happened.” Spock rumbled. “A mere two or three lines of coding in the clown’s programming and this could have all been avoided.”

“No.” Jim shook his head. The two of them were pressed so close together that his nose brushed against Spock’s collarbone. “Believe me. I’m way more familiar with the mythology of sinister clowns than you are. There was literally no way this could have been prevented. I mean, once the janitorial staff put that cleaver in its hands the die had been cast.” He shuddered. The janitors, knowing how terrified their captain was of clowns, had thought the ten foot tall puppet would be a hilarious prank to play in honor of Jim’s latest commendation. At first Jim had screamed and everyone else had laughed and so he had laughed. And he laughed again, somewhat nervously, when the puppet started moving. And then the puppet tried to stab Sulu and Jim screamed again. Loudly. In a very high pitched voice. Some might even say he had screamed excessively, continuing to scream long after Spock had grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the room and into this hole in the wall where they were hiding until the janitorial staff finished what they’d started.

There was almost nothing Jim wouldn’t do for the sake of his crew. But fight a sinister killer clown was the one thing he would not do, not for anyone or anything. Those floor-scrubbing motherfuckers were on their own.

“If we survive this I’m going to demand that Starfleet starts screening job applicants for high-functioning sociopaths.” Jim promised. “Our entire janitorial staff is comprised of mad scientists. There _has_ to be a regulation against that.”

“It was the janitorial staff that built the original puppet, yes.” Spock agreed, his arms tightening. “But I believe it was the formless sentience our sensors picked up mere seconds before Sulu’s injury that caused the puppet to display the symptoms of homicidal tendencies. It is still merely a puppet.”

“A possessed sinister clown puppet is not actually better than a sinister clown, Spock.” Jim grumbled, pressing his face against Spock’s neck and trying to think happy thoughts. “It’s not worse either. It’s just the exact same amount of terrifying.”

“I see…” Spock wrapped his arms around Jim’s torso and pulled him closer so that his Captain’s weight was more evenly distributed over the length of his own body. He thought long and hard for a moment and then said, “Would you like to make out?”

Jim momentarily forgot where they were and why they were hiding. He jumped in surprise and hit the back of his head on the metal ceiling just a foot above them. He winced and rubbed furiously at the bump that was already forming. Looking down into Spock’s face, Jim realized that he was on all fours with his knees placed on either side of Spock’s hips and that Spock was lying prone underneath him. Jim’s throat went dry.

“What?” He croaked. “I mean, yes, definitely but…What?”

“I am attempting to find activities that will distract you from our current circumstances.” Spock explained innocently. “I believe you enjoy the activity known as making out.”

“Right. Right.” Jim’s mind raced, his heart pounding to keep up. But he’d been down this road before with Spock and the last thing he wanted was repeat of the Handjob Incident.

_The Handjob Incident had happened during their last shore leave. Jim, Bones and Spock had gone camping and one night Jim and Bones had a little too much to drink and began to wonder out loud if maybe they shouldn’t have gone with Scotty to the pleasure district after all. At which point Spock had come and sat down next to Jim, looked at him with a perfectly innocent expression and said, “Would you care for a handjob Jim?”_

_At which point McCoy had started choking on his bourbon and Jim, already standing up straight if you know what I mean, had almost fallen over himself in his haste to say yes._

_They had spent the next hour and a half holding hands while Jim tried to keep his legs crossed and Bones just laughed and laughed and laughed._

“Spock,” Jim said very carefully. “The term making out can mean different things to different people. What does it mean to you?”

“It is a human diversion in which we exchange saliva, yes?” Spock asked.

Jim thought about it for a moment.

He knew Spock. He knew how Spock’s mind worked. He knew that when Spock said ‘exchange saliva’ he didn’t mean ‘swap spit.’ He literally meant exchanging their saliva. And Jim knew that, as an adult and a friend, he should explain what the saying really meant. But there was another part of him, the part that had once been a twelve year old boy, the part of him that wanted to poke dead things with a stick and thought fart sounds were the highest art form in the known universe, that really wanted to see how far he could take this.

“Yeah.” He heard his own voice saying. “That is definitely what making out is. Let’s do it.”

“Very well.” Spock seemed pleased with himself. “As you are already in the ideal position for this activity you may go first.” Spock opened his mouth wide and waited patiently.

“Right. Ideal position. Because I’m above you, one might even say on top, so you, uh…you want me to drool into your mouth…” Jim could scarcely believe what he was saying. Spock just looked politely confused.

“That is what the act of making out entails, is it not?” The Vulcan asked.

It was far too late to stop now. Jim nodded fervently. “Absolutely. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. Okay. Here goes.”

Jim’s mouth was already watering thanks to having his technically willing First Officer underneath him in a dark enclosed space. He swished the liquid in his mouth in order to get a really juicy gob of spit going. He allowed the drool to pool behind his front teeth and pursed his lips. He started slow, letting it bubble a little first as he released the drool. Spock once again opened his mouth wide and a fat glob of Jim’s drool fell from his lips and landed on the Vulcan’s tongue.

All the hair on Jim’s body stood on end and he burst out laughing. “Oh my god!” He crowed. “I can’t believe we just did that!”

“It is a most…singular experience.” Spock said thoughtfully. He couldn’t say it had been a particularly enjoyable experience but he was gratified to see that Jim had forgotten all about the sinister clown. “Would you like to try it again?”

“Are you serious? _Hell yes!”_ Jim beamed in excitement. “Okay, I’m going to try to get a steady stream going so that the drool will be in both our mouths at the same time. It’s gonna be awesome, trust me.”

Once again Spock, trusting naïve Spock, opened his mouth and once again Jim gathered all the saliva he could muster and allowed it to slowly descend from his lips like a gooey rope. Once again it landed on Spock’s tongue. Spock’s eyes met Jim’s and time froze, the two of them connected by a thin strand of drool. Jim’s heart skipped a beat and his lower body began to stir, expressing a strong interest in the proceedings.

“Oh my vengeful zombie god what the _fuck_ are you two _doing?!”_

Jim screamed and jumped, colliding with the paneling once again. Spock sat up and steadied him before turning to face McCoy who was gaping at them from the other side of the grate they had crawled through earlier.

“Hello Doctor.” He said calmly. “Has the clown been contained?”

“What? Oh. Yeah. Turns out Chekov is even more scared of clowns than you are, Jim. Took one look at it and went berserk. Tore it apart with his bare hands. You’d never know it to look at him but the kid is a beast.” McCoy answered, pulling the grate out of the wall and moving to the side so that they could climb back into the hallway. Spock managed to unfold his lanky form with as much grace and dignity as if he were descending a marble staircase. Jim, red in the face and out of breath, tumbled onto the floor behind him. “The janitorial staff was pretty upset and when I left Cupcake was threatening to throw all of them in the brig. One of you might want to go deal with that.”

“Indeed.” Spock nodded. “Captain, I will report back to you once I have ascertained the state of affairs.”

Jim still couldn’t trust himself to speak so he stood up and tried to look commanding as he waved in the air. Spock understood that as the dismissal it was meant to be and disappeared, leaving Jim alone with a still-horrified McCoy.

“Seriously.” McCoy crossed his arms. “Why were you drooling on Spock?”

“He, uh…He suggested we make out to take my mind off things and he thought that was what making out was.” Jim answered without meeting his friend’s eyes.

“Okay. Weird. Why didn’t you correct him?”

“Well, come on, Bones, it’s not like that between us! We haven’t even kissed yet!”

“Right. Have you considered that maybe the reason you haven’t kissed yet is because when he asked if you wanted to make out you told him that meant drooling on each other? I swear, this is the Handjob Incident all over again.”

“This is nothing like that.” Jim argued, turning a deeper shade of red.

McCoy shook his head and sighed. “You could have just told him what a handjob was but nooooo. I mean, I guess I could have told you about Vulcans and hands but I was way too grossed out by the two of you engaging in foreplay in front of me to say anything.”

Jim stared at him. “…What?”

McCoy blinked. “What?”

Jim took a step closer and there was dangerous edge in his voice when he said, “What about Vulcans and hands?”

“Oh.” McCoy laughed nervously. “They’re…you know…erogenous zones?”

Jim stared at Bones for a long time, a thunderous look on his face. “I’ll deal with you later.” He snapped as he spun around and began barreling down the hallway. “SPOCK! GET BACK HERE YOU SNEAKY VULCAN BASTARD! WE ARE GOING TO THUMB WRESTLE SO FUCKING HARD!”

“My god…” McCoy breathed as the blood drained from his face. “What have I done?”

 

***

 

_This was fun to write._

_I hope it was fun to read._

_And that’s all I have to say for myself._


End file.
